Sometimes the lords plan we do not understand . for he is god the father an creator of all things. How could us his creation ever hope to understand what he asks of us.
When following him we can loose friends loved one and still he is with us. He guides and protects us even from ourselves.
His plan can be the most painful and trying times of our lives but if we have the courage to see them threw we shall always over come the burdens in our way.
I can not begin to understand why he tells me what he does it makes no sense . my life is in ruin yet he still tells me to hold on and be strong it makes no sense. As far as i know the women and kids i love will soon be gone moved away to for all intensive purposes moved to a monster in plan sight.
Yet even though it seems life is absolute in the events that followed weeks ago yet he still tells me to hold on be strong and to have faith in him. I miss them so much do not ever see them wanting me or needing me . as far as i understand it i am all but worthless to them .
Yet why does he tell me i will see them again it makes no sense after how i was treated and spoken to. I have forgiven her and pray for her and her family daily.
Yet he still tells me what felt right months ago will win over this evil for he has made me and tells me to be strong in him and the love he gave me. It makes no sense and the memories i have of them are coming back so clearly these days.
I can sit here and reply the memories like a movie over this past year clear as day i might cry less these days but still why in my waking moments to i have the memoroes surface i have tried so hard to block all they do is cause me pain knowing that they will never be in my life again.
Yet he still tells me they will says they miss me and need me why why does ye say this. I trust in you lord you are my rock and my very reason for not being able to end my pain i have nothing left to lean on.
We are not to question the lord for what he tells us is true ans just but still why does he cause me to miss them more every day. Why does he allow such vivid dreams and memories es to surface .
Have i not gone threw enoigh pain over them already. I shut kyself off from the world to find myself again and the more i fight my feelings for them the more i try to forget them the more i remember.
Why can i not close my eyes without seeing there faces.
I wake up ever few hours when i try to sleep often waking up calling there names and crying over the 3 ladies i have lost. I do not need help for i have the lord i just wish he would wipe my mind and heart of them for how is a man to function or go out into the world when in this much pain and suffering.
Lord guide me and help me i do not know if i am strong enough to do this alone. Facebook friends you are awsome but i am truly alone in this . that is what god wants .
I am far better now that i do not taoe my medicine have greater control over my emotions. Just have to grieve ove the girls and her . not going to be easy to get back who i was i am not entirely sure the lords plan of ke at this point all i know is he tells me one thing over and over and it makes no sense becouse of everything that has been said to ke for weeks. formal party garments for teen girls
(She and the girls will be your family one day in the future and be strong for they love and miss you)
Why does he say this i hear it in my sleep hear it when i kneel and pray hear it walking down the road. Why does he torture me so. They do not want or need me i wouod told this by her.
I do not see how it will change but god has plans for all of us and in my gut and in my heart i know what he says will happen.
God give me the strength to get threw this . this is by far the greatest pain and suffering i have ever been threw .
i forgave her long ago never can stay mad at her for my love for her comes from god. I am not to be judged for it he is the one that moves and molds my life.
It is not others who can judge me for i walk with god.
Nothing makes sense amymore i need her and the girls to get back my mind and heart but i also accept i may never see them again.
I have had to accept they do not jeed me or want me and will never be in my life again but god he tells me things that hurt becouse he says they will be back and they do love and miss me badly. How can that be so i am so lost in his words these days. My soul has been saved for a long time but his words are lost to me right now.
It is like he wants me to pray wait and sit here being patient for a day that may never come.
I listen to him but i do not understand it.
No one has the right to go against god by telling me what i should do.
FOR GOD IS THE ONE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO there for there is not a soul on this planet that can tell me otherwise.
If his plan is for me to be alone and suffer the rest of days let it be.
I wish i had her in my life for i miss her and them and it would be nice to get more then two hours of sleeo at a time . that has not happened for over a month now.
Longest i think i have slept in a month consitantly is 3 hours.
All kinds of pains everywere and dreaks so vivid of iraq of them and of the future.
He is working on me hard right now.
I am so alone but so filled with love at the time.
I thought i was being abused by her but if that were so how can i go threw the level of pain i have for such a long time loose ky mind question my own sanity and the lord brings my love for them back and i get better stronger even.